Next Verse, Same As The First...

Four More Drivers Fell for the Oldest Trap in the Book...
7:00 Responded to a 4-car accident on I-10. This accident happened at almost the EXACT same spot an accident happens nearly every day. It's a spot where traffic starts to slow down for an interchange, and it's just on the other side of a hill, so the drivers can't see what's on the other side of the hill until they get there (at 65-70 MPH). Today, a 30 y/o BM was driving an 80-something broken-down Cadillac, he got a flat tire, kept driving on the flat tire (on the freeway), passing an exit, until the tire came off the rim, and stopped in the right lane of the freeway (there was no shoulder). An unsuspecting motorist came over the hill and fell into the trap (got another one!). A 65 y/o white couple ran into the back of the Cadillac at about 45-50 MPH in an SUV. Another car ran into the back of the SUV, and a firefighter, driving a Hummer, got side-swiped in the next lane by someone. The driver of the Cadillac was changing the tire at the time and somehow cheated death, but his mother was in the front seat, and she was in pain...."Real bad"....where?...."all over...I cayn't feel ma legs." My partner poked her legs with a pen to test her claim of paralysis. She jumped and exclaimed "owwwwa." We transporter her and the 65 y/o WF from the SUV who had pain in her neck, a contusion on the back of her head, and high BP.

I Got Intestines in My Scrotum
11:25 Responded to a half-way house for a 55 y/o WM, CO pain in his testicles. He has had a hernia for the past 5 years, and his intestines descend into his scrotum. Normally, he just pushes his intestines back up, out of his scrotum, with his finger. Well last night, at around 12:00 a.m., too much intestine descended into his scrotum, and his scrotum was swollen to about 5 times its normal size. We transported him to the county hospital, so taxpayers could pay for his hernia, in addition to his housing and the rest of his existence.

(GWI) Garage-Saling While Intoxicated
12:39 Responded to a garage sale for a 56 y/o WF. The owners of the garage sale report that this woman was at their house for 3 hours, and she was stumbling around and acting crazy. AFTER THEY LET HER BUY A BUNCH OF STUFF AND LOAD IT INTO HER CAR, they called the police and ambulance because they thought she was intoxicated. She told us she was o.k., but she had taken a new prescription med that morning and it made her feel weird. We found out she had a blood glucose level of 45. We gave her some glucose, and she was fine. We left her at her house, after a friend came and drove her home. What happened to the days when a neighbor would help you by giving you some food or driving you home, rather than selling you a bunch of crap, then calling the cops on you?

Help...My Neighbor is Sleeping
14:53 Responded to a city sidewalk for a 51 y/o WF laying on the sidewalk, sleeping due to heavy intoxication. A concerned neighbor drove by, saw her, and did the most charitable thing a neighbor does these days...called 911. We showed up, professionally woke her up, she got up, and walked home. She didn't want our professional help. I wonder if the neighbor could have just woken her up and drove her home....Nah...why, when you got 911?

Another Friend...Doing the Nicest Thing a Friend Can Do...Calling Him an Ambulance
16:06 Responded to the home of a 61 y/o WM, CO abdominal pain. Pt. says he's passing a kidney stone, which he did 2 weeks ago...exact same problem. I told him I would be glad to give him a ride to the hospital in the ambulance, but I didn't have anything to give him that might help...just a ride. He thought that made sense and asked his friend to give him a ride to the hospital (the one who did the charitable thing and called 911 for him). She said, "why don't you just go in the ambulance...you can lay down, and it's quick and easy." He said, "actually, it hurts to lay down; I'd rather sit." She said, "well, if you go by ambulance, they'll get you in quicker." I said, "no, actually they triage you the same, and you could still go to the waiting room, depending on how bad your condition is compared to the other people in the waiting room." He asked his friend "will you just take me?" She said, "(sighhhhh)....yeees."

Can I Have a Cigarette?...No...SMACK!
17:24 Responded to a restaurant parking lot for a 20 y/o HM employee of the restaurant. He says he was getting out of his car, and a HM hobo came by asking for a cigarette. He said he didn't have any, and the HM hobo smacked him, driving his glasses into his cheek and cutting his cheek. He had a small, 1/2 inch laceration on his cheek, which had stopped bleeding when we got there. We told him he might need a couple stitches, but we didn't have any stitches. We told him we could professionally give him a ride in the back of the ambulance for his small, non-bleeding cut. He decided he didn't need our professional assistance.

Damnit, I'm Still Alive...
20:26 Responded to a senior assisted-living home for a 60 y/o HM male, laying on the floor of his apartment in a pile of trash, hundreds of prescription pills, urine, and dollar bills. It looked more like a scene from Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas than an old-folks home. He had self-inflicted cuts all over his arms and legs, and he had a blood glucose level of 12. We took him to the hospital and gave him glucose enroute. He was conscious when we got to the hospital, awaking to the realization that, damnit, he was still alive.

Jer-ry...Jer-ry...Jer-ry...Jer-ry...
1:01 Responded to the apartment complex of a 32 y/o WM, who was punched by his neighbor, because he went to his neighbor's door to ask him why he threw a lighter through his window. The guy that threw the lighter through the patient's window felt threatened when he came to ask him why he did it, so he took a swing at him, which reportedly knocked him to the ground. When we got there, they were still arguing...it looked like a Jerry Springer show. The guy had a little bit of pain (no bleeding) in his lip. He decided he did not need the professional, government funded assistance of a crusty ambulance driver to attend to his painful lip (any more than I already had by being called by him to come look at his painful lip).

Another Sleeping Guy
1:53 Responded to an intersection, where there was reported to be an unconscious BM at a stoplight, behind the wheel of his van, as reported by Tara, a concerned citizen who was driving by. When we arrived, there was no BM, van, or Tara. Of course Tara had left the scene. She was concerned enough to call 911 but not concerned enough to stick around. The BM, unconscious, driver of a van had apparently gotten conscious enough to drive away.