Wednesday, August 20, 2008
Somebody Abused The Emergency 911 Medical Services Today
Score One More For The FDA
8:30 A man called 911 for his 59 y/o WF wife who was cold and stiff, laying in bed. He went to check on her and see if she wanted some coffee, and he found her very dead. So, he called for a life-saving emergency 911 ambulance. We hung out with him until the police arrived. He told us his wife has been afflicted with "black lung" for 32 years. She's never smoked or drunk; she got black lung from an FDA approved anesthetic. Thanks FDA, what would we do without you? What's the difference between taking our chances on FDA approved drugs and taking our chances on drugs tested by private companies? The only difference I can think of is that we might actually educate ourselves and be a little more cautious about the drugs we take, if we didn't have the false sense of security that the FDA provides. How many of the FDA approved drugs we take today are going to give us "black lung" in 30 years?
Shooken Up Neutralizers To The Rescue
9:33 We responded to an MVA. When we arrived, we found nobody with any complaints or injuries. I asked the cop who called 911. He said, "dem people in dat ca look pre'y shook up...ah jus wan ya'll ta check em out." I professionally replied, "yeah, I wish I could help, but we're all out of shooken up medicine."
Chronic Brain Problems Acting Up
10:28 We responded to the home of 56 y/o HM in the care of his 30 y/o daughter. He fell two days ago and injured his ribs. He fell again today, but he had no new injuries. He falls a lot, but he's been falling a lot more for the past couple of weeks. He had an aneurism 2 1/2 years ago, and he's been mentally impaired ever since. So...we did the only thing we can do for a guy with chronic brain problems...gave him a deluxe, ambassador's service ride in the back of our pathogen greenhouse.
Low Blood Sugar...Totally Resistant To Diet Coke
12:26 We were called to the restaurant of a doctor's office building, which was across the street from a hospital, and next door to a pharmacy (a pharmacy that sells glucose tabs). We were 10 minutes away. Our patient was a 62 y/o HF with low blood sugar. She took her insulin this morning at around 9, but she didn't eat anything. When she was at the doctor's office for her husband, she started to feel sick, so she walked downstairs with her daughter, she went to the restaurant, and they ordered a Diet Coke. The Diet Coke somehow did not improve her lack of sugar. When we showed up, her blood sugar was 29. We gave her glucose (non-diet), and she got all better.
13:58 We were called to a suspected fracture 15 miles away. When we were about 20 minutes into our response, we were disregarded. Apparently, the patient got tired of waiting for a $500 bandaid and decided to take matters into his own hands and drive to the hospital without our bandaids.
Internal Bleeding...Err...Umm...Drug Run
15:31 This stupid druggy called us because he thought maybe he might be experiencing some internal bleeding, because his poo was darker than usual. This isn't the stupidest part. He wanted us to take him to a hospital 25 miles away for his highly urgent emergency condition. We're not normally supposed to go that far, but my supervisor said he thought I should take him there, since he had been there several times for the same condition. When we arrived 40 minutes later, we found out he had in fact been there several times for the same condition, in fact he had been there a couple of times this week alone. I found out he used to live near that hospital, and I found out he currently lives by our fire station because he lives in a gubment funded halfway house for his addiction to Oxycotin.
I ain't the sharpest cookie that was born yesterday this side of the tool shed, but I just wonder if maybe he might have a drug dealer near the hospital. I'm proud to have a hand in a system wherein multiple gubment programs are able to synergistically work together to facilitate this guy's drug addiction by giving him a free place to live and giving him free rides to his drug dealer.
18:28 A driver of a worker van ran into a massive, custom made van containing a family of 11. This van had eight individual seats and a bench that sat three. All the seats were occupied. There were nine kids, and six of them were in car seats. I asked, "Is this a day care business?" In a half-offended way, the woman said "no, these are my kids." Struck with dumbness, I said, "wow...what an impressive family." There were three 7 year old boys, four 1.5 year old girls, and two 4 month old babies. I imagine they were from three litters, because each set looked very similar in appearance and age. Somehow there were no injuries, even though the van was severely damaged.
Two Ambulances vs. One Drunk Guy
2:11 Two ambulances were called to a drunk guy who pulled off the road to go to sleep. He didn't need either ambulance. Apparently, what he did need was a police officer to arrest him for drunk driving, after feeling the hood of his car and determining that he must have been driving drunk because the hood is still warm (a defense lawyer's dream).
A Psychological Bandaid
3:57 The son of a 91 y/o WF called us because she has the shakes, and she's had the shakes since earlier today. Everything checked out O.K., and the woman did not want to go to the hospital. Really, she and her son just wanted us to tell her she was O.K. This is a beautiful example of someone being sick enough to call an emergency ambulance but not sick enough to go to the hospital. Sometimes people just need a psychological bandaid...my specialty.
Another Gubment Assisted Drug Run
5:59 We were called to a halfway house for a guy who had crapped all over himself. His caretaker said, "he crapped all over himself, and he's got HIV; I ain't touching him." Apparently he took all his Zanex too quickly, and he wanted to go to the hospital to get some more. The caretaker told me she would take him to the hospital, but she signed an agreement saying she wouldn't drive him anywhere. Later I asked the patient how he was going to get home from his drug run, and he said he was going to call his caretaker. I don't understand why we don't just skip all the middlemen and just drive around giving out the prescription drugs that people enjoy abusing recreationally. (update...we picked up this same guy two nights later for the same problem...apparently the first hospital he went to didn't refill his prescription)