"Just To Be Safe"...The Apparent Theme of Another Fun-Filled Day of Hauling Losers to the Hospital
Metro Bus Boo-boo
7:48 We responded to a fall on a Metro Bus. Reportedly, a handicap person fell down inside of the bus, and the Metro driver called an ambulance. The pt. was a 45 y/o seemingly retarded BF, who was complaining of a boo-boo (little-to-no pain) to her left leg. She told the bus driver that she didn't want no ambulance, but he called anyway, because he said, "...just to be safe...you never can be too safe."
Hospital Next Door Not Good Enough For a Free-Loader
8:24 We responded to the home of a 65 y/o BF CO chest pain. Her home is less than one block from a hospital. She said she called us because she wanted to go to a hospital 35 miles away. We told her we wouldn't take her to that hospital; it was too far. She got really mad at us that we wouldn't drive her 35 miles away for her life-threatening, emergency chest pain situation. We asked her why she didn't want to go to the hospital next door, and she said it was a bad hospital. She didn't have any medical insurance, which is probably why she wanted to go to a better hospital...as long as she wasn't paying for it, why not go to the most expensive hospital? I guess beggars CAN be choosers. Upon further questioning, she told us she was just diagnosed with kidney stones two days ago, and she revealed that it actually hurts more around her kidneys than her chest, and it feels just like it felt two days ago when she went to the hospital for kidney stones (she originally called it "chest pain" because she thought it would get her taken care of faster). She opted to walk from her house to the ambulance, parked in the street, which was half the distance of the walk to the hospital next door. Then we drove her to a hospital 5 miles away, passing the hospital next to her house on our way.
Do-Gooder Thought He Was the Only One on the Road With a Cell Phone
10:05 We were called to a 3-car accident on the freeway. We were called by someone who was driving by. We called the caller to find out exactly where the accident was, and he said that he didn't know if there were any injuries. He called 'just to be safe.' It turns out there were no injuries. When are these brain-dead, do-gooders going to learn that if someone wants an ambulance, they'll call for an ambulance on their own damned cell phone? Did this guy really think he was the only driver on the road with a phone? Attention Harry-the-Hero, it's not 1989, you're not the only one with a car-phone; everyone has at least one cell phone. Nobody needs you to call 911 for them while you're driving by at 65 MPH, not knowing where you are or if anybody actually needs an ambulance.
The Overturned Truck Driver Was the Only One That Didn't Need an Ambulance
10:27 We were called to another 3-car accident at an intersection. A 55 y/o BF, driving a VW Beetle with minor damage, said she had pain in her chest from the seatbelt. She said she wanted to go to the hospital 'just to be safe.' When we put a C-collar on her and taped her down to a backboard (which is the ONLY thing an ambulance can do for you when you're in a car accident...stabilize your spine), she told us, "I don wan no neck braze on...I think I might be clastrophobic." So we took her to the hospital without the only thing we can do to help. Then there was a 39 y/o BM delivery driver in a truck, with VERY minor damage, who decided he needed to go to the hospital to have them look at his minor pain in his left leg, 'just to be safe.' He also complained about the backboard to which we duct taped him. The third driver was a 40 y/o HM, whose truck was flipped on its side, and he said that he was fine and didn't need an ambulance. Somehow the person who causes the accident almost never needs an ambulance, and the victims almost always need an ambulance. Interesting stuff...
Hot Chick
12:30 We responded to the home of a 61 y/o HF CO sudden, unexplainable dizziness and altered consciousness. Maybe it had something to do with cooking food all day in an extremely hot kitchen, without eating. When we got her out of the kitchen, she stopped feeling dizzy and regained consciousness. We healed her. She said she didn't want to go to the hospital, but her husband insisted on her going to the hospital in the ambulance, 'just to be safe.' Her vitals were perfect, but we took her anyway, cause we're puppets on a string.
A Passer-by Mistook a Drunk Person for Seizures
14:00 We were called to a person with seizures. We were disregarded before we got there when a fire truck arrived and found out it was just a drunk dude. Someone else called for him, 'just to be safe.' The guy who called us either really cared about the well-being of the drunk guy in front of his house, or he was aware of the fact that, if you want to get a hobo off your front lawn, you're better off calling an ambulance than calling the police. The police get to decide if they want to respond to your emergency situation, and they often exercise their right to ignore your request for help, but the ambulance is obligated to respond.
One Tiny, Dried-up Cut
15:33 We were called, by a fire truck, to a 42 y/o WM who had driven his car into the safety barrels on the freeway. He said he was just driving along, minding his own business, and "the car in front of him suddenly stopped for no reason." He had nowhere to go, so he hit the barrels, but it was the fault of the guy in front of him. The guys on the fire truck said they stopped when they drove up on the accident, and they called us 'just to be on the safe side.' They wanted us to "check him out" with our highly advanced, ambulance-mounted, injury detectolator. They don't have those mounted on fire trucks yet. It turns out the guy didn't feel like he needed an ambulance for his tiny, dried-up cut on his arm.
Didn't Know How to Use Benadryl Pills
17:21 We responded to the home of a 65 y/o WF CO an allergic reaction. She told us she would rather not go to the hospital if she didn't have to go. Her family called an ambulance for her because she had a swollen tongue and itchy skin, just to be on the safe side. She had no signs of hives or a swollen tongue, and her vitals were normal. It turns out she has anxiety problems, and this happens every now and then. We were talking to her for about 20 minutes, and her allergic reaction miraculously subsided, so she decided she didn't need an ambulance to go to the hospital. A paramedic also explained to her the purpose and proper administration of over-the-counter Benadryl, which she had in her possession but had not taken.
Injury Victim Realized He Didn't Need an Ambulance After All
19:01 We were called to an injury at the park, but we were disregarded because the person decided to leave. I'm getting tired of people realizing they're better off handling their medical problems themselves, rather than using gubment-funded ambulances; they're going to put the gubment (and me) out of work.
Sick Guy 2 Blocks From Hospital
19:35 We responded to the home of an 82 y/o WM, living 2 blocks from the hospital (3 miles from the fire station). He CO feeling a little bit sick for the past couple of days. He had his grandson and two LVN's at the house, and they decided to call US (he was able to walk). So...we took him to the hospital, 2 blocks away. From the time they called us for their highly emergent medical situation, until the time we delivered the man to the hospital, was about 45 minutes, including response time (10 min.), assessment time (20 min), loading time (5 min), transport time (5 min), and unloading time (5 min). It would have taken them approximately 4 minutes to get him to the hospital without the ambulance.
Chest Pains
1:45 We responded to the home of an 87 y/o WM CO chest pains. He wanted to go to the hospital just to be safe. EKG says he's OK, but what do we know?
Probably poop, blood, AND vomit. All three are correct answers.
This is a stretcher rail in regular light...
Here's the same latch in black light. Since this latch is on the underside of the stretcher, I imagine it has never been cleaned. The rule is, "Out of sight...it must be clean."
Here are some cuffs in regular light, and below are some cuffs in black light. Is that vomit I see on the cuff, or is that just some sperm?
I'd rather lick the anus of a dead possum than touch this knob with my bare hands.
These straps have exchanged more body fluids than Wilt Chamberlain.
This IV hanger has never been cleaned; I triple your money back guarantee it. Imagine the lush tropical forest of filth growing on that thing.
Look at this little gem I found in the back of the ambulance. It's a fork with food hanging off of it. Not only will you be contaminated by all the hobos that have ever ridden back here, you'll also enjoy the contamination of the EMT's saliva and trichinosis covered fork.
Here's some goop and sludge hiding on the floor, around the stretcher retainer. It looks like it's probably just some human scabs and some roach poo.
Here's a little more tape residue, which has the ability to collect 400x its mass in human DNA. Which combination of body fluids do you think have to mix together to create the color black? 
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