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Tuesday, December 21, 2010

I've Come to Jesus...I've Been Wrong All Along...

Some of you knew this was coming...a public apology...and my farewell post...

I really had a re-awakening experience, and I've realize that I've been wrong all along. I don't know what I've been thinking...being mad at people for wanting & liberally using a socialized 911 ambulance services.  Even more deplorably, I've been encouraging people to crave freedom and despise the idea of tyrannically robbing other people of their freedoms.

I've found Jesus, and I've realized that Jesus would want me to use a gun to take money from other people, and then, piss that money away by giving it to people who have no interest in their own self-improvement. I've been a hater, and I really want to apologize to all of you readers for attempting to influence you to become a hater like I am.

I've realized that people are too dumb to make decisions for themselves. At one point, I chastized the general public for calling 911 and requesting an ambulance when they weren't absolutely positive somebody wanted to go to the hospital, and that person absolutely NEEDED an ambulance to get to the hospital. That was a mistake.

The last thing any of us want is for government services to dwindle in size & scope, due to citizens becoming more self-reliant and personally responsible. For that reason, I encourage everyone to call 911, and call often. If you can, call right now, just to have the ambulance come by and "check you out"...they'll let you know if you have a problem or not. You never know if you're dying, and you can never be too careful.

For my part, I will hereby cease to be a Crusty Ambulance Driver. I will be extra courteous to everyone who calls 911. I want people to be so pleased with my socialist services that they can't imagine not calling 911 when they think they might have any sort of problem. I want them to think, "why would I want to go to the doctor in my own car, or call a friend to take me to the doctor, when I can call those nice, good-looking gentlemen on the ambulance to come to my house, pick me up from my living room, in my slippers & night gown, and drive me to the hospital in their super-sanitized, luxurious, 911 limousine?" I want people to be so pleased with our service that they tell all their friends about it and encourage them to also call 911 whenever possible.

I've turned over a new leaf...I'm serious about this...as God is my witness, I will hereby do my part to expand government services and rob citizens of their freedom & personal responsibility.

All I can say is, I'm sorry. I hope none of you have been led astray by my misdirected, ill-conceived, ignorant complaints about 911 abusers, the 911 system, and in general, government intrusion on freedom. Freedom is of the Devil. It sounds like most of you resolutely held your ground, and you were not swayed by my delusional attempts to persuade you to be free-thinking lovers of liberty...for which I am glad. Carry on, fellow Socialists, and God speed.

What I'm trying to say is, "I'm on a PUMPER! I'm on a PUMPER, MF'ers! Take a good, hard look at my MF'ing pumper."

11 comments:

Scott said...

It so nice to know other people actually GET IT. WTF happened to our country? How is it that Iv'e been a paramedic for 18 years and just watched it get worse and worse? Brother were did you find the cool aid and can I have a glass? redhat6a@blogspot.com

Julia Bentley said...

As a 9-1-1 operator... kudos to u!

Anonymous said...

well this sucks. i just found your blog today :( I've not been so entertained since the last Louis C.K. performance I've seen. Please come back.

Nurse and Hospital Stories said...

"I've turned over a new leaf"

Wow! hope that is for good, eh. :)

Cheers,
Peny@discount uniforms

anuragago said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Anonymous said...

U are a dick.

Anonymous said...

And Julia Bentley from Kansas, I'm fwd'ing this link to your employer. They should know how u feel about people who call 911. There was a recent case published about a woman who was killed by her bf while the first responders stopped for coffee. She had called 911 and the operator didn't take her seriously. Dude stabbed her to death I believe. People like you are dangerous and ur employer should know that. You have NO business working in emergency care, none.

DufftheStuff said...

sarcasta-cunt

Anonymous said...

Miss you

friv 5 said...

Jesus and the faith brings us, everything can be put on with the hope that things get better and better. Faith was very meaningful to each person.

Savanna Gasca said...

You hit the nail on the head. Thanks for the info, super helpful. You'll forget about paperwork when you try PDFfiller. template form can be filled out in 5-10 mins here http://pdf.ac/aq4PyO

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